The appearance of a baby is associated with a complete restructuring of family life. Inevitably, this important event affects not only the rhythm, schedule, atmosphere in the house, but also the relationship between newly-made parents. The birth of a common child can unite a family, but only if the man and woman are mature, balanced individuals who are ready to compromise, listen and hear each other, respect and help.
But reality is increasingly drawing a different scenario. Relations between spouses are rapidly deteriorating, every day alienating husband and wife from each other, destroying any connection between them. Every member of the family experiences stress, while the man often chooses avoidance tactics and prefers to leave the territory of the house, in every possible way reducing the time spent with the family, while the woman finds herself locked in four walls and the deterioration of relations in the family oppresses her especially.
The thing is that spouses who are accustomed to living together may not be ready for the appearance of a third family member, and the blame for the destruction of relationships lies on the shoulders of both of them. Changes occur in the value-semantic sphere, feelings and emotions, sensations, both mom and dad. But for the most part, it is the woman who is trying to establish a connection with her spouse, regain her former intimacy and understand why relations with her husband soured after the birth of a child.
The nature of the changes
All families are equally happy, but everyone has their own misfortune. In each individual family, taking into account its characteristics and relations between spouses before the birth of a child, changes are expressed in different ways, but most often one can observe:
- Detachment (a woman notices that her husband has become a stranger, he does not show emotions and interest in relation to her);
- Avoidance of communication (a man spends more time at work, rarely calls, and in the evenings goes about his business);
- Lack of intimate life (sometimes spouses begin to sleep separately, minimizing moments of intimacy);
- Closure (a man does not talk about his problems, has become closed);
- Indifference (there are no manifestations of emotions, both in relation to the child and to the young mother);
- Resentment, quarrels (a man can be hurt by any little thing, depending on his temperament, he shows this with furious anger, screaming or silence).
All these manifestations are a signal that a relationship has failed. In order to understand why spouses move away and find possible ways out of this situation, it is necessary to identify the root cause, because any changes do not occur from scratch, most often the answer to this question lies in the behavior of both spouses.
What happens to a woman
After the birth of a baby, a woman's life is increasingly regulated by the will of instincts and boundless feelings for the child. Drowning in the responsibilities of caring for her son or daughter, a young mother forgets about her former life, habits, favorite things, vacations and her husband, about everything that may have been an incentive for a positive development of relationships.
It takes time for a man to get used to the fact that another woman is now next to him, perhaps for him these changes are not acceptable at all, repel him from his wife and are a reason to look for relationships on the side.
Basically, changes in a woman after the birth of a baby relate to:
- Appearances. A new mother may lose her attractiveness due to weight gain, a tired look, and lack of self-care. As a rule, for a woman in the first months of a child's life, her own appearance fades into the background.
- Distribution of time and schedule. Caring for a child is a lot of small things throughout the day, any mother plans her day based on the interests of the baby, the main task for her is to provide convenience, comfort and peace to her own child.
- emotional sphere. A woman directs all her emotions and feelings to her little daughter or son, while her husband remains deprived of her attention. The constant stress that a young mother experiences and a change in hormonal levels manifests itself in mood swings, irritability, tearfulness, and nervous breakdowns.
- relationship to life. Value orientations are undergoing a radical restructuring, a woman who has given birth instantly forgets about the desire for career growth, expanding her social circle, the main value for her is her own child and his needs;
- Responsibility. A woman prone to hyper-responsibility and hyper-protection herself repels her husband from helping with the child, as she is afraid that he will do something wrong, that he will be able to harm the child.
All these changes in each individual case can have different combinations and degrees of manifestation. A particularly difficult situation arises if the mother suffers from postpartum depression, then she splashes out negative emotions on her husband, often on the child, heating up the situation to the limit.
What happens to a man
No matter how hard a man tries to control himself, the birth of a child is a severe stress for him, the manifestations of this emotional pressure, the young dad cannot even explain to himself what to say about his wife, who, moreover, has changed before our eyes in a matter of days.
Awareness of paternity in a man comes much later than in a woman, he does not carry a baby under his heart for 9 months, does not feel him moving, therefore for him the birth of a child into the world is like snow on his head, a man needs time to come to terms and get used to the fact that now there are three of them.
Often, a young dad develops an overwhelming sense of fear. When a mother's instinct turns on, and she performs many actions automatically, a man does not know how to behave with a child, how to hold him, how to feed him. The fear of the unknown, reinforced by the reproaches of his wife, makes the man want to leave the house by flight.
The process of giving birth to a man is not clear, it causes conflicting feelings and emotions, quite often a man loses sexual interest in a woman precisely for this reason, he creates a mental barrier that he cannot overcome. Joint childbirth makes the strongest impression on the stronger sex, this is a rather risky event, because it is impossible to predict how the young dad will treat his wife after that, different men have diametrically opposite reactions, from the desire to carry his wife in his arms, to disgust.
Changing the atmosphere in the house and the rhythm of life also affects the new dad. The apartment is noisy and sometimes not cleaned, sleepless nights, the crying of a child, the lack of proper rest, communication and closeness with his wife gradually begins to bother and annoy.
Many men develop a sense of "uselessness", as they are not paid attention, they are not trusted by the child, they are not allowed to participate in the care of the baby. In this situation, the man will simply leave the place where he is not needed.
Changes occur within both spouses, here, more than anywhere else, it is important to learn to understand each other's feelings, to respect, to help overcome difficulties, for this it is necessary to interrupt the endless turmoil and sit down with her husband at the negotiating table.
How to build relationships
If a young mother noticed that her husband has become different, has changed in behavior, attitude towards her, does not show interest in the child, she should ask herself the questions that she addresses to the man: “why did he become different?”; “He doesn’t love me like before or doesn’t want to communicate with me?”; Why doesn't he want intimacy?
Perhaps the reason lies solely in the behavior of the woman, then to solve the problem it will only be necessary to work on yourself and everything will fall into place. You should always start with yourself, but if there is no answer in yourself or the strength of a woman alone is not enough to resume good relations, a serious heart-to-heart conversation with her husband is simply necessary.
Men do not know how to read the thoughts of a woman, perhaps he is simply lost and does not know how to behave, and his wife perceives this as indifference. Explaining to each other can solve many problems and allow you to understand and let your spouse's feelings through you.
Young parents should agree on joint care for the baby, a fair distribution of responsibilities, opportunities for recreation, both separate and joint, on the help of third parties, grandparents, so that there is time for each other. A woman can tell her husband how to behave in some situations when she needs help, support, attention.
It is extremely important that the desire to return to the previous relationship comes from both spouses, only under this condition is it possible to achieve harmony and understanding in the family, it is irrational to beat on a closed door. A woman needs to take the first step, as a rule, in this situation she is stronger and more emotionally stable than a man, having received a positive reaction from her husband, it is possible to build close relationships in joint work that will satisfy the interests of both.
Steps towards understanding
A woman is the keeper of the family hearth, this human wisdom has been proven for centuries, a happy marriage is in her hands. The steps taken by her in time will help to avoid a family crisis associated with the birth of a child, or to alleviate it as much as possible. Then the questions “Has my husband stopped loving me? Avoided?" and others like them simply do not appear in the head of a woman.
- Talk and negotiate. Every time a misunderstanding occurs, discuss the issue with your husband, do not accumulate resentment;
- Ask for help. For many men, this is an indicator of their importance and indispensability in the family, and for a woman, the opportunity to relax;
- Assign childcare responsibilities. Let the man have one thing that he must do daily, for example, bathe the baby before bed. This will not only bring the child closer to dad, but also emphasize the importance of a man;
- Pay attention to your husband. It is not at all necessary to fulfill all his whims every day, but if a woman cooks her husband's favorite dish once a week, he will definitely appreciate it;
- Take care of your own appearance. Simple care, clean hair, neat and beautiful clothes are enough, to do figure correction;
- Let go of perfectionism. All women have weaknesses and shortcomings, it is impossible to achieve the ideal in everything, refusing to clean twice a day, you can find a little time for yourself;
- Act gently. To smooth out conflicts, take into account what the man wants, change the tone of the conversation to calm, do not demand, but ask, do not shout, but speak, the man will definitely support the woman's mood.
Of course, there is no universal solution to overcome the family crisis, but mutual desire and appropriate actions will certainly lead to success, then the family will only unite after the birth of the baby, get stronger, become a full-fledged unit of society and raise understanding, sympathetic, kind and fair children, who, following the example of their parents, will create the same strong families.
The Internet is filled with CC for women on how to remain interesting, desirable and in every way attractive to a man in any situation: “How to make him stay with you forever”, “How not to disappoint him in bed”, “How to make sure that he does not leave you after giving birth/promotion at work/changing hair color.” Moreover, some psychologists place the responsibility for emotional comfort in the family entirely on the woman.
Maria Andreeva thinks differently and has compiled a detailed manual for men on her Facebook so that they look from the outside at the bar that is set for women and think about their behavior.
Inspire!
Knowing that she will have a whole day to care for your baby, take care in the morning. Prepare breakfast, sweep it quickly, clean her sweater with a machine from the pills, change the baby's clothes yourself ... Talk about the upcoming day in a positive way. Talk about how you will meet in the evening and have a great time with your family.
Don't be a housewife!
Don't turn into a farting grunt at home in stretched sweatpants. Be neat at home. Buy a nice tracksuit for the house or shorts with a T-shirt. Let simple, but new, clean, not worn out things. Do not walk around the house unwashed, uncombed for half a day off. Remember that hair in the nose and ears does not adorn anyone. Manicure after marriage has not been canceled. Use light toilet water and at home. After all, your wife deserves the best!
Not a single job
Expand your horizons. The world does not converge like a wedge on your work, news about politics and pearls of Elon Musk. Learn to cook borscht. Master the techniques of relaxing massage - your wife, who regularly wears a baby in her arms, will love it! Learn to weave braids, make your wife a beautiful hairstyle at your leisure - just for the mood. Master the Marie Kondo technique and clean up the house...
keep fit
Stop making doughnuts at work, hoping that you will get over your wife who has grown fat during pregnancy. She already has a plump thing that takes away her attention - your child. In order to survive in the competitive struggle, you must try twice so that she at least looks at you once again with a desire not only to fall asleep on your soft (or frail) body.
wixstatic.com unobtrusive attention
Do not call your wife during the day, do not distract from important tasks. Unless she herself insists (it's better to ask). But don't leave it unattended, you're not some indifferent turkey. Write gentle messages, there were photos of how you work, so that she does not feel “unfortunately stuffed while you are unknown-what-busy.” Remind me how you miss your beloved and baby, how you cannot wait for the evening to hug them.
Like a date
No need to come home wrinkled, in dirty shoes and smelly. If during the day you are doing a great job of fraying your appearance, take care of a change of T-shirt or raglan and change clothes before leaving work. Wipe your shoes, comb your hair, wash your hands, wash your face with cold water... Come home, albeit tired, but neat and smelling good.
Take care of the bread
It is better to make a list in the morning of what you will need to buy home in the evening. For by the evening the wife will already be exhausted and the compilation of lists will press her. If you can, do it yourself. Remind your wife in the morning or in the middle of the day that if she remembers what else she needs to buy, let her write to you right away. Don't forget to buy everything tonight!
cute little things
Do not limit yourself to the list of products and diapers. Bring your wife something nice, just like that. For example, her favorite magazine, funny-shaped cookies, an aroma candle, a beautiful hair clip... Supermarkets are usually full of such cute things.
spontinni.ru "Good dad"
Before you turn back to your native yard, make sure that a “good dad and husband” is going home. Find a way to shake off the negativity after a day's work away from home. Get off at a stop earlier and take a walk, a lot of things “weather” in the air. Stop by for half an hour to swim / box / press the barbell. Turn into the park and sit for 10 minutes on a bench among the trees and silence. Get a couple of CDs with relaxation music in the car or download it to your phone. Anything to make a "good dad". Except for mind-altering substances and risky sports.
Don't be silent in a rag
Leave the style of a stern steel mill worker for feature films. When you get home, listen actively. Actively! This means participation with the mouth. Ask clarifying questions: “Did you say “kadyabzya” twice? What does that mean, I wonder? Show empathy: “Are you exhausted from this?”. Support: "I'm so proud of you, you're smart, you do so much for our family!".
develop
Can't talk to your wife about topics that interest her? Google "50 shades of colic" and all issues of Dr. Komarovsky. Learn, learn something new about babies every day, watch webinars and don't be lazy to visit a couple of workshops or trainings on baby-related topics. Surprise her with your knowledge and attention to what she is interested in.
Grow Together
Help your wife not to dig in poop and snot for the coming years. Learned something interesting during the day? Discuss with your wife / just get her opinion / share yours. Read a book to her while she feeds the baby. Watch the educational program together.
mylibrary.us Comfort in home
All shelves must be nailed, all doors must be hinged, pipes must not leak! Buy a new blanket, hang a family photo in a beautiful frame on the wall, buy napkins for serving - it will be more pleasant for your wife to stay with the baby in a cozy, safe, beautiful house.
Don `t cry
“Oooh, I didn’t get enough sleep again ... Pampers are so expensive ... Back to the pharmacy ... And where is dinner ...”. To you a man endured a whole man and gave birth. This is not to go for a loaf. If you complain, you will get the impression that the child interferes with your life. And that's not true, is it?
Sex
It's time to become not just a husband, but a skillful lover! A woman on maternity leave is very whimsical, as she is often tired, her head and emotions are occupied by a baby, there is little time to “be alone”. In addition, after giving birth, her feelings and preferences may change.
Intimate relationship with a loved one and the causes of discord in a couple. The article will offer advice on how to return the husband's disposition and interest after childbirth to the wife.
The content of the article:
Relations after childbirth are a complex, sometimes very strained interaction between a man and a woman, often reminiscent of a minefield with all the dangerous attributes that accompany it. The romance that was previously present in a couple can disappear without a trace, bringing irritability and mutual reproaches in return. If love has not yet died out between partners, then you should understand the problem that has arisen after replenishment in the family.
The mechanism of disharmony in relationships after childbirth
Everything in this world is no coincidence, so you should not complain exclusively about evil fate. Relations with a husband after childbirth may worsen according to the following pattern of development of the problem:
- . Many women come into a feverish state before the birth of a baby. Expectant mothers have a process of self-contemplation, when all their attention is directed to their own body. The husband begins to realize that something is wrong with his soulmate, which he is sometimes unable to understand.
- Childbirth and their consequences. This process is the most joyful event in a woman’s life, but you can’t call it painless. The greatest shock is experienced by firstborns, because for them what is happening sometimes becomes a difficult test. If, however, it also happened to get to not the best doctors and staff, then the woman has, in addition to sensations, a serious psychological trauma.
- Baby care. The conflict begins to gain momentum when the spouse realizes that now the beloved has things to do and is more important than his person. Of course, he is glad to be added to the family, but jealousy can also settle in his heart at the sight of a wife who has dissolved in a child.
- Husband dissatisfied. The last phase of the family drama is the eternally sullen spouse who lacks affection both emotionally and sexually. A constantly exhausted wife can cause him to protest against the changed situation in the family.
Important! Even the most caring man is not always ready for changes of this kind, so there is no need to judge him strictly for this. This is not a betrayal, but the process of getting used to a spouse a new model of family relations.
Causes of discord in the family after childbirth
It is possible to try to create an ideal from your beloved, but is this process worth such an effort. After all, we usually love not for something, but contrary to all logic. Therefore, it is necessary to consider the reasons due to which the couple's relationship deteriorated after childbirth:
- Lack of attention to husband. As already mentioned, this factor can bring disagreement in a family with a newborn. Motherhood is a wonderful time, but often a woman does not see anyone around except her beloved child. A man begins to understand that he has ceased to be the main person in the life of his beloved, and this does not please him much.
- Change in the appearance of the spouse. It's no secret that after childbirth, a woman's figure rarely gets better. Stretch marks, a tummy that has appeared can lead the fair sex into a persistent depression. If, at the same time, the chosen one does not have a sense of tact and likes to loudly voice the changes that have taken place in the appearance of his wife, then everything usually ends with regular scandals in a couple.
- Imbalance in the body. This is not about men who, after giving birth to the second half, do not suffer physically. Hormones are an insidious thing that can play a cruel joke on even the most sane woman. A young mother sometimes becomes emotionally unstable, because the exhaustion of the nervous system begins. At the same time, she breaks down on her spouse, because the circle of her contacts is now narrowed to a minimum.
- Everyday problems. A couple without children can sometimes sort things out for hours, competing among themselves in the sharpness of the word. When a child appears, the situation becomes more complicated, because the changes that have taken place carry a certain responsibility. The scandal sometimes begins out of the blue, because both spouses were not ready for the material difficulties that appeared. If a man is a miser at the same time, then it becomes difficult to avoid violent showdowns.
- Restriction in sexual life. A young mother needs a period to recover after childbirth. It usually takes 4 to 6 weeks, which seems like an eternity to some hyperactive men. At the same time, there is a risk that the spouse will not immediately begin to react violently to the caresses of her beloved, because she simply gets tired after caring for the child.
- Difficult delivery. With this factor, a woman can emotionally and physically close, remembering the pain she suffered. Someone forgets the torment immediately, while someone begins to sink into postpartum depression. What is happening cannot go unnoticed by the spouse, who sometimes does not know how to help his wife. In the future, he begins to move away from her, and family relationships give a thorough crack.
- Lack of parental feelings. At the same time, it is worth voicing the coldness of the mother when the baby appears, which also sometimes happens. For each of the couple who loves their child, it is very painful to watch the indifference of the second half regarding the adored child. Scandals in this case are quite tough, leading the couple to a logical conclusion in the form of a divorce.
- . This factor is similar to the consequences of a difficult birth, but nevertheless, these concepts should be distinguished. The depressed state of the mother after the birth of the baby can turn into a serious threat to the family. The process of postpartum depression is very difficult to predict, but its consequences can be extremely dangerous for relationships. A sane man will understand and realize everything, but it is not a fact that he will endure the situation indefinitely.
- The birth of a sick child or his death. Such a tragedy can break even a strong-willed person. Relations in the family begin to deteriorate if there is no desire to rally in grief and support each other.
Note! In all of these situations, a problem that needs to be eliminated is acutely indicated. Otherwise, you can lose not only the trust of your soul mate, but also her love.
Signs of disharmony in a couple after childbirth
Happy parents are immediately visible, because they care for and cherish their child, continuing to pay attention to each other. However, life does not always present us with exceptionally pleasant surprises, so problems after childbirth can arise in any couple.
To understand the essence of the situation that has arisen, it is necessary to clearly understand for yourself the signs of an impending danger to the relationship:
- . This factor is a very disturbing sign for everyone who is married. At the same time, a wise partner will do everything possible to return the warm attitude of his soulmate. It should always be remembered that people in a relationship try to avoid heart-to-heart talk only when they simply ceased to be interested in a partner.
- Entertainment outside the family. We all have the right to privacy and our own interests. However, when a child is born, a lot changes, because children require increased attention to themselves. If the father of a newborn continues to actively have fun in the evenings with friends, ignoring his family, then this is the beginning of a serious problem for a couple with a baby.
- harsh criticism. A loving man will never, on business or just morally destroy his wife. However, a woman after childbirth sometimes also becomes categorical and sarcastic towards her husband. If there is a voiced factor, then we can state with full confidence the discord in the couple after the birth of the baby.
- Lack of support. In this case, after replenishment in the family, both financial infringement and refusal to help their soulmate begin. Such a wake-up call cannot be ignored, because it may indicate the beginning of the end of a relationship.
Varieties of conflicts in the family after childbirth
It is very difficult to classify a relationship crisis in the same way, because there are different models of families. Psychologists identify the following types of problems after a baby has appeared in the family:
- . Offspring is not always desirable and expected for a couple that could be created solely on the basis of sexual interest. Having allowed his chosen one not to have an abortion during a trial relationship, a man may later bitterly regret this decision. Such a life story usually ends sadly, if the conversation is not about a very responsible representative of the stronger sex.
- Conflicts between young parents. This family model is problem-free in very rare cases. It occurs mainly during an unplanned pregnancy of a girl. If in an early marriage a baby is born to the spouses, then often after endless clarification of the relationship, the couple breaks up. Still remaining immature personalities themselves, the newlyweds may simply not be ready for the responsibility that has arisen.
- Conflicts in mature parents. If a woman has crossed the forty-year milestone in her life, then bearing a child and giving birth to her can be problematic. In addition, a capricious baby is more easily tolerated by a younger couple who are full of energy. Mature people get tired faster, because there is a possibility of chronic diseases appearing over a lifetime. All this is not an axiom, but scandals in a mature couple are considered a common occurrence. In addition, pregnancy can occur with the so-called false menopause, when a couple finds out about conception at a fairly thorough time in a woman. All this introduces people of age into complete shock, then creating conflict situations after the birth of the baby.
- Problems in a guest marriage. This is the name of a couple in which everything is officially registered, but the family has an unusual relationship format. Living separately, the spouses decide on the birth of a joint child. However, it should be remembered that a baby is a huge responsibility and a titanic work of two people. In addition, a couple can even live in different countries if one of the partners leaves to work. If before that everything suited everyone, then serious problems begin between spouses in a guest marriage.
Ways to restore relationships after childbirth
For every loving and wise woman, there may come a time when a relationship needs to be saved. No wonder they say that a man is the head, and the fair sex is the neck. Therefore, the partner needs to decide on the question of how to improve relations with her husband after childbirth.
How to restore spiritual intimacy with your husband after childbirth
If in a couple after the birth of a child there is coldness on the part of a loved one, then the problem must be urgently eliminated. A woman can use the following tips on how to restore relations with her husband after childbirth:
- Communication. With the advent of the baby, all the attention of the mother is focused on the child. This is both right and fundamentally wrong, because the husband also needs understanding and affection. It is extremely dangerous to deprive him of this, because he will feel superfluous in the resulting trio. Consequently, the spouse may begin to seek solace on the side, which will lead to divorce. It is necessary to be interested in the problems of a loved one so that he understands what is still significant for the mother of his child.
- Joint leisure. You can temporarily distract yourself from fluttering over your beloved child by watching an interesting program or movie with your husband. No one offers to go fishing with him or to a football pub, which is sometimes simply impossible. However, if you have capable grandparents, you can ask them to take care of the child, devoting free time to their chosen one.
- . A beloved man will be pleasantly surprised if, instead of an exhausted vixen, he is suddenly met by a beautiful fairy. It is difficult to do this, because the newborn takes the lion's share of the mother's time. However, it is necessary to try to restore relations that have cracked. Scented candles, a dinner of her husband's favorite dishes will make it clear to the unfortunate woman that the woman still loves and cherishes her chosen one. Even if the young mother is not yet physically ready for an intimate relationship, the spouse will appreciate her efforts to please him.
- Involving a man in child care. Joint walks will definitely make the family even more united and friendly. Let dad take part in bathing and feeding the baby so that a strong spiritual bond is formed between him and the child. In the future, the husband will want to spend all his free time with his son or daughter, which is also useful for his relationship with his wife.
How to establish a sexual life with a husband after childbirth
It's no secret that intimate relationships are very important for a strong and stable marriage. However, discord often occurs in this area after a woman gives birth to a child. If the husband is loved and dear, then the following steps should be taken to return his attention:
- Getting the figure in order. Stories about the ideal body of a woman after childbirth are another myth for the gullible. A young mother needs time to restore her former forms, which is a natural process. The gym is not always within the means of the family, because it requires certain investments. In addition, after the birth of a baby, it is quite problematic to constantly leave the house, even for a short time. However, no one canceled independent training at home. On the same Internet, a huge number of exercises are offered that will allow you to return the figure to its former shape. It is easy to become sexually attractive to a husband again if you put some effort into it.
- . As already mentioned, after childbirth, a woman needs to recover not only externally, but also physically. This will take some time, because otherwise she may be seriously injured. Childbirth is not just psychological stress for a young mother, but also significant changes in her reproductive system. You should listen to the recommendations of the gynecologist, who himself will say after what period of time it is really possible to resume sexual activity. At the same time, it is necessary to explain to the spouse that everything will be wonderful, but only after a certain period of time. A loving man will understand everything, and an egoist who is ready to jeopardize the health of the second half is not worth fighting for.
- Familiarization of the husband with information on medicine. Sexual relations after childbirth can be intimidating for some women. However, inexperienced or too impressionable dads can also be alarmed by the resumption of intimate life after telling their beloved about the consequences of resolving the burden. If the birth of a child was when the spouse was nearby, then sometimes for him this becomes a stop signal for further sex with his wife. Again, a confidential conversation with some medical facts that many men do not understand will help.
- Purchasing reliable contraceptives. The fear of re-pregnancy may seem a little strange, but it can negatively affect both the husband and the wife. The couple is not yet ready for the next child, so the sexual fuse is muffled by the voiced danger. Especially the fear of intimate relationships occurs when the previous pregnancy occurred after the ineffectiveness of the chosen contraceptive. A woman needs to consult a competent specialist in order to resume sexual activity without the risk of a new conception.
- constant flirting. Some new mothers may lose interest in sex because of the belief that now the child becomes the only center of their attention. There is some truth in this, but too much in this can lead to the collapse of relationships between lovers. A husband should feel affection from his beloved woman, which may not even consist in the sexual intercourse itself. The partner will be pleased with flirting, caresses and playful hints, which will only strengthen sexual relations after the woman's body is fully restored.
Every woman should carefully consider how to resume intimate relationships after childbirth. Warmth should be felt by the husband so that he does not start looking for care and understanding with another partner. However, it is worth remembering that the wife must fight to save the marriage only if there is love in it. It should also be noted that it is realistic to correct the situation when both spouses are interested in its elimination.
Quit kneading donuts at work, hoping that your wife, who has grown fat for pregnancy, will get along anyway. She already has a fluffy thing that steals her attention - your child. In order to survive in the competitive struggle, you must try doubly so that she at least looks at you once again with a desire not only to fall asleep on your soft (or frail) body.
unobtrusive attention
Do not call your wife during the day, do not distract from important tasks. Unless she herself insists (it's better to ask). But don't leave it unattended, you're not some indifferent turkey. Write gentle messages, there were photos of how you work, so that she does not feel “unhappy stuffed while you are unknown-what-busy.” Remind me how you miss your beloved and your baby, how you cannot wait for the evening to hug them.
Like a date
No need to come home wrinkled, in dirty shoes and smelly. If during the day you are doing a great job of fraying your appearance, take care of a change of T-shirt or raglan and change clothes before leaving work. Wipe your shoes, comb your hair, wash your hands, wash your face with cold water.... Come home, albeit tired, but neat and smelling good.
Take care of the bread
It is better to make a list in the morning of what you will need to buy home in the evening. For by evening the wife will already be exhausted and the compilation of lists will press her down. If you can, do it yourself. Remind your wife in the morning or in the middle of the day that if she remembers what else she needs to buy, she will write to you right away. Don't forget to buy everything tonight!
cute little things
Do not limit yourself to the list of products and diapers. Bring your wife something nice, just like that. For example, her favorite magazine, funny-shaped cookies, an aroma candle, a beautiful hair clip... Supermarkets are usually full of such cute things.
Photo source: geschenkenetz.com
"Good dad"
Before you turn back to your native yard, make sure that a “good dad and husband” is coming home. Find a way to shake off the negativity after a day's work away from home. Get off at a stop earlier and take a walk, a lot of things “weather” in the air. Come to the gym for half an hour to swim for 10 minutes / box / press the barbell. Turn into the park and sit for 10 minutes on a bench among the trees and silence. Get a couple of discs with relaxation music in the car or download it to your phone. Anything to make a "good dad". Except mind-altering drugs and risky sports.
Don't be silent in a rag
Leave the style of a stern steel mill worker for feature films. When you get home, listen actively. Actively! This means participation with the mouth. Ask clarifying questions: “Did you say “kadyabzya” twice? What that might mean is interesting. Show empathy: “Are you exhausted from this?”. Support: “I’m so good for you, you are smart, you do so much for our family!”
develop
Can't talk to your wife about topics that interest her? Google "50 shades of colic" and all issues of Dr. Komarovsky. Learn, learn something new about babies every day, watch webinars and don't be lazy to visit a couple of workshops or trainings on baby-related topics. Surprise her with your knowledge and attention to what she is interested in.
Grow Together
Help your wife not to dig in poop and snot for the coming years. Learned something interesting during the day? Discuss with your wife / just get her opinion / share yours. Read a book to her while she feeds the baby. Watch the educational program together.
Comfort in home
All shelves must be nailed, all doors must be hinged, pipes must not leak! Buy a new blanket, hang a family photo in a beautiful frame on the wall, buy napkins for serving - it will be more pleasant for your wife to stay with the baby in a cozy, safe, beautiful house.
Photo source: denhartbakingcompany.com
Don `t cry
“Oooh, I didn’t get enough sleep again ... Pampers are so expensive ... Back to the pharmacy ... And where is dinner? ...” A person endured a whole person for you and gave birth. This is not to go for a loaf. If you complain, you will get the impression that the child interferes with your life. And that's not true, is it?
Sex
It's time to become not just a husband, but a skillful lover! A woman on maternity leave is very whimsical, as she is often tired, her head and emotions around the baby, there is little time to be alone. In addition, after giving birth, her feelings and preferences may change #ForgetEverythingYouKnewBefore. Your task is to be inventive, sensitive, capture her moods and fulfill her desires. Read literature, go to special courses, shake out all the secrets from more experienced comrades. Improve!
Be her superhero
Be ready to help her at any moment. Solve all the nerve-wracking issues with housing departments, service stations, Kindergartens and schools for older children, paying bills, neighbors from above, and from below, and diagonally ... Calmly meet trouble. “Honey, I burned the pot / lost my keys / the dog got poisoned by something / my mother will come to visit us for a month ...” Be steadfast, bold and decisive. Don't yell. Do not twist the face, did not send her poop emoticons in response. Superhero magic phrase: "I'll figure it out." And figure it out. Myself.
Do not ship
Do not tell her what problems you have at work and "where this country is heading." A woman on maternity leave needs peace and freedom. Argue constructively. Not “I know better! It will be my way." And “I want the best for you and the baby, for our family, so I think you need to do it this way ...” And if this is not a matter of life and death, then give in to your wife. After all, the most important thing is your relationship and her peace of mind next to the baby. If your or her beloved mother makes her nervous, save your wife! You are always on her side. Since the marriage called. Until death do you part.
Now there are three of you. Now you are mom and dad. What happens after the birth of a child with a woman is more or less clear, but what actually happens with a man? How does it change? What is going through? What is he thinking about? We decided to dedicate our rubric “Psychology” to these questions.
Dad's first emotions
The strongest tension associated with waiting for the birth of a baby subsided. And what overwhelms the happy father immediately after the birth of the heir is joy (powerful, uniting the couple) and gratitude to the beloved woman for the “work” that no man on earth can do.
Another strong feeling is pride. After all, fatherhood is success, it is a new social status, the beginning of successful parenthood, but not only. In fact, for a loving couple, the birth of a baby is the embodiment and continuation of their earthly love.
Filled with these feelings (perhaps unconscious), a man gives flowers, stands idle under the windows of the maternity hospital, commits “little madness”, calls his relatives, friends, colleagues ... Perhaps this is one of the most touching and happy moments for every family.
Third wheel?
But the baby and mom are at home. Emotions give way to rationality, the holiday leaves in a series of weekdays. A woman has a lot of worries in the first days of a baby's life: feed the baby, take a walk with him, change diapers, feed again ... There is no time left for herself, her beloved, or for her husband. During this period, it is likely that the newly-made dad will have a feeling of "the third is superfluous." The lack of attention, care, affection and sexual relations on the part of the beloved woman will not pass without a trace.
Instead of somehow defusing the situation, the husband consciously or subconsciously begins to be jealous of the baby, who takes away a large share of his attention. It is during this difficult period that you, dear mothers, will have to find the right words for your soulmate in order to maintain marriage and harmony in the family. Women's wisdom and simple advice from a practicing psychologist will definitely help you!
Lifesaver
1. Explain and prove to your spouse that now he is not only a husband, but also a father. Most likely, the man has not yet realized his new role! What can be done for this? First, regularly emphasize the husband's success at work, remind him that he is the breadwinner of the family, and thank him for it. Secondly, to involve him in caring for the baby, developing and improving the skills of paternal care. Of course, you may be annoyed by how long your spouse takes to change a diaper or how clumsily he dresses a child. Sometimes you want to drive it away and do everything yourself to save time. Control yourself! Enjoy what you see. Capture priceless moments of communication between dad and baby on camera and do not interfere with a man gaining experience in caring for a small child. Emphasize any of his minimal successes: perfectly prepared the formula for feeding, warmed up the milk, and, finally, say: “Our baby does not smile at anyone like you!” Any person, and a man in particular, strives to where he is successful and appreciated.
2. Do everything possible to make the man realize that the child is not a rival, but his continuation, his native blood. Explain to him that your baby won't always be this helpless and soon you will be able to spend more time in your relationship. Emphasize that you also miss the evenings and nights when you were left only to each other.
3. Your child reflects the traits of both parents. A young dad can be delighted with the words: “How a son (daughter) looks like you!”. This simple phrase will play its role.
4. Create clear agreements. Have you done a lot together before? Distribute responsibilities, and the more specific they are, the less resentment will arise. Involve grandparents more actively, especially if they enjoy playing with their grandchildren.
5. Focus on connecting: allow yourself a couple of hours a week to relax together (you can call grandparents, you can invite a nanny). It does not matter at all whether you go to a restaurant or spend the evening at home. It is important that in these moments you are provided only to each other. Enjoy your favorite music, watching a movie, walking. Talk about friends, work, travel, and each other's feelings. Nothing brings a couple together like shared experiences.
6. Keep your personality. Both husband and wife should be able to take care of themselves, have their own time and space. Nanny and grandmothers can help out again! Find time to meet with friends or go to a beauty salon. And in turn, provide your husband with the usual relaxation for him - meetings with friends, training in the gym, fishing.
7. Naturally, watch your appearance. Even if you spent the whole day in a dressing gown with a disheveled head, put yourself in order by the time your husband arrives - he will definitely be pleased!
Sex is everything
If childbirth did not affect the sexual life of the spouses, they were very lucky. However, in 80% of cases, the birth of a child makes quite serious changes to it. A frequent cause of complications in sexual relations is the rejection by a man of a new image of his wife. In simple words: a man ceases to see a sexual object in his chosen one and perceives her only as the mother of his children. Accordingly, he can stroke her on the head and kiss her on the cheek, but he does not think about sexual intimacy. Such a problem is purely psychological in nature, so it needs to be “treated” with sexual behavior: try new caresses, new positions, change the time and place of having sex. And, of course, when faced with a similar situation, try as little as possible to appear before your husband as a mother. For example, if you are preparing for sexual intimacy in the evening before going to bed, you should not breastfeed your baby in front of your husband, emphasizing your new social status.
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