After the birth of a child, a man is no longer needed. How can a man remain interesting to his wife after the birth of a child? Opinion

The appearance of a baby is associated with a complete restructuring of family life. Inevitably, this important event affects not only the rhythm, schedule, atmosphere in the house, but also the relationship between newly-made parents. The birth of a common child can unite a family, but only if the man and woman are mature, balanced individuals who are ready to compromise, listen and hear each other, respect and help.

But reality is increasingly drawing a different scenario. Relations between spouses are rapidly deteriorating, every day alienating husband and wife from each other, destroying any connection between them. Every member of the family experiences stress, while the man often chooses avoidance tactics and prefers to leave the territory of the house, in every possible way reducing the time spent with the family, while the woman finds herself locked in four walls and the deterioration of relations in the family oppresses her especially.

The thing is that spouses who are accustomed to living together may not be ready for the appearance of a third family member, and the blame for the destruction of relationships lies on the shoulders of both of them. Changes occur in the value-semantic sphere, feelings and emotions, sensations, both mom and dad. But for the most part, it is the woman who is trying to establish a connection with her spouse, regain her former intimacy and understand why relations with her husband soured after the birth of a child.

The nature of the changes

All families are equally happy, but everyone has their own misfortune. In each individual family, taking into account its characteristics and relations between spouses before the birth of a child, changes are expressed in different ways, but most often one can observe:

• Detachment (a woman notices that her husband has become a stranger, he does not show emotions and interest in relation to her);
• Avoidance of communication (a man spends more time at work, rarely calls, and in the evenings goes about his business);
• Lack of intimate life (sometimes spouses begin to sleep separately, minimizing moments of intimacy);
• Closure (a man does not talk about his problems, has become closed);
• Indifference (there are no manifestations of emotions, both in relation to the child and to the young mother);
• Resentment, quarrels (a man can be hurt by any little thing, depending on his temperament, he shows this with furious anger, screaming or silence).

All these manifestations are a signal that a relationship has failed. In order to understand why spouses move away and find possible ways out of this situation, it is necessary to identify the root cause, because any changes do not occur from scratch, most often the answer to this question lies in the behavior of both spouses.

What happens to a woman

After the birth of a baby, a woman's life is increasingly regulated by the will of instincts and boundless feelings for the child. Drowning in the responsibilities of caring for her son or daughter, a young mother forgets about her former life, habits, favorite things, vacations and her husband, about everything that may have been an incentive for a positive development of relationships.

It takes time for a man to get used to the fact that another woman is now next to him, perhaps for him these changes are not acceptable at all, repel him from his wife and are a reason to look for relationships on the side.

Basically, changes in a woman after the birth of a baby relate to:

• Appearances. A new mother may lose her attractiveness due to weight gain, a tired look, and lack of self-care. As a rule, for a woman in the first months of a child's life, her own appearance fades into the background.
• Distribution of time and schedule. Caring for a child is a lot of small things throughout the day, any mother plans her day based on the interests of the baby, the main task for her is to provide convenience, comfort and peace to her own child.
• emotional sphere. A woman directs all her emotions and feelings to her little daughter or son, while her husband remains deprived of her attention. The constant stress that a young mother experiences and a change in hormonal levels manifests itself in mood swings, irritability, tearfulness, and nervous breakdowns.
• relationship to life. Value orientations are undergoing a radical restructuring, a woman who has given birth instantly forgets about the desire for career growth, expanding her social circle, the main value for her is her own child and his needs;
• Responsibility. A woman prone to hyper-responsibility and hyper-protection herself repels her husband from helping with the child, as she is afraid that he will do something wrong, that he will be able to harm the child.

All these changes in each individual case can have different combinations and degrees of manifestation. A particularly difficult situation arises if the mother suffers from postpartum depression, then she splashes out negative emotions on her husband, often on the child, heating up the situation to the limit.

What happens to a man

No matter how hard a man tries to control himself, the birth of a child is a severe stress for him, the manifestations of this emotional pressure, the young dad cannot even explain to himself what to say about his wife, who, moreover, has changed before our eyes in a matter of days.

Awareness of paternity in a man comes much later than in a woman, he does not carry a baby under his heart for 9 months, does not feel him moving, therefore for him the birth of a child into the world is like snow on his head, a man needs time to come to terms and get used to the fact that now there are three of them.

Often, a young dad develops an overwhelming sense of fear. When a mother's instinct turns on, and she performs many actions automatically, a man does not know how to behave with a child, how to hold him, how to feed him. The fear of the unknown, reinforced by the reproaches of his wife, makes the man want to leave the house by flight.

The process of giving birth to a man is not clear, it causes conflicting feelings and emotions, quite often a man loses sexual interest in a woman precisely for this reason, he creates a mental barrier that he cannot overcome. Joint childbirth makes the strongest impression on the stronger sex, this is a rather risky event, because it is impossible to predict how the young dad will treat his wife after that, different men have diametrically opposite reactions, from the desire to carry his wife in his arms, to disgust.

Changing the atmosphere in the house and the rhythm of life also affects the new dad. The apartment is noisy and sometimes not cleaned, sleepless nights, the crying of a child, the lack of proper rest, communication and closeness with his wife gradually begins to bother and annoy.

Many men develop a sense of "uselessness", as they are not paid attention, they are not trusted by the child, they are not allowed to participate in the care of the baby. In this situation, the man will simply leave the place where he is not needed.

Changes occur within both spouses, here, more than anywhere else, it is important to learn to understand each other's feelings, to respect, to help overcome difficulties, for this it is necessary to interrupt the endless turmoil and sit down with her husband at the negotiating table.

How to build relationships

If a young mother noticed that her husband has become different, has changed in behavior, attitude towards her, does not show interest in the child, she should ask herself the questions that she addresses to the man: “why did he become different?”; “He doesn’t love me like before or doesn’t want to communicate with me?”; Why doesn't he want intimacy?

Perhaps the reason lies solely in the behavior of the woman, then to solve the problem it will only be necessary to work on yourself and everything will fall into place. You should always start with yourself, but if there is no answer in yourself or the strength of a woman alone is not enough to resume good relations, a serious heart-to-heart conversation with her husband is simply necessary.

Men do not know how to read the thoughts of a woman, perhaps he is simply lost and does not know how to behave, and his wife perceives this as indifference. Explaining to each other can solve many problems and allow you to understand and let your spouse's feelings through you.

Young parents should agree on joint care for the baby, a fair distribution of responsibilities, opportunities for recreation, both separate and joint, on the help of third parties, grandparents, so that there is time for each other. A woman can tell her husband how to behave in some situations when she needs help, support, attention.

It is extremely important that the desire to return to the previous relationship comes from both spouses, only under this condition is it possible to achieve harmony and understanding in the family, it is irrational to beat on a closed door. A woman needs to take the first step, as a rule, in this situation she is stronger and more emotionally stable than a man, having received a positive reaction from her husband, it is possible to build close relationships in joint work that will satisfy the interests of both.

Steps towards understanding

A woman is the keeper of the family hearth, this human wisdom has been proven for centuries, a happy marriage is in her hands. The steps taken by her in time will help to avoid a family crisis associated with the birth of a child, or to alleviate it as much as possible. Then the questions “Has my husband stopped loving me? Avoided?" and others like them simply do not appear in the head of a woman.

• Talk and negotiate. Every time a misunderstanding occurs, discuss the issue with your husband, do not accumulate resentment;
• Ask for help. For many men, this is an indicator of their importance and indispensability in the family, and for a woman, the opportunity to relax;
• Assign childcare responsibilities. Let the man have one thing that he must do daily, for example, bathe the baby before bed. This will not only bring the child closer to dad, but also emphasize the importance of a man;
• Pay attention to your husband. It is not at all necessary to fulfill all his whims every day, but if a woman cooks her husband's favorite dish once a week, he will definitely appreciate it;
• Take care of your own appearance. Simple care, clean hair, neat and beautiful clothes are enough, to do figure correction;
• Let go of perfectionism. All women have weaknesses and shortcomings, it is impossible to achieve the ideal in everything, refusing to clean twice a day, you can find a little time for yourself;
• Act gently. To smooth out conflicts, take into account what the man wants, change the tone of the conversation to calm, do not demand, but ask, do not shout, but speak, the man will definitely support the woman's mood.

Of course, there is no universal solution to overcome the family crisis, but mutual desire and appropriate actions will certainly lead to success, then the family will only unite after the birth of the baby, get stronger, become a full-fledged unit of society and raise understanding, sympathetic, kind and fair children, who, following the example of their parents, will create the same strong families.

Intimate relationship with a loved one and the causes of discord in a couple. The article will offer advice on how to return the husband's disposition and interest after childbirth to the wife.

The content of the article:

Relations after childbirth are a complex, sometimes very strained interaction between a man and a woman, often reminiscent of a minefield with all the dangerous attributes that accompany it. The romance that was previously present in a couple can disappear without a trace, bringing irritability and mutual reproaches in return. If love has not yet died out between partners, then you should understand the problem that has arisen after replenishment in the family.

The mechanism of disharmony in relationships after childbirth

Everything in this world is no coincidence, so you should not complain exclusively about evil fate. Relations with a husband after childbirth may worsen according to the following pattern of development of the problem:

• . Many women come into a feverish state before the birth of a baby. Expectant mothers have a process of self-contemplation, when all their attention is directed to their own body. The husband begins to realize that something is wrong with his soulmate, which he is sometimes unable to understand.
• Childbirth and their consequences. This process is the most joyful event in a woman’s life, but you can’t call it painless. The greatest shock is experienced by firstborns, because for them what is happening sometimes becomes a difficult test. If, however, it also happened to get to not the best doctors and staff, then the woman has, in addition to sensations, a serious psychological trauma.
• Baby care. The conflict begins to gain momentum when the spouse realizes that now the beloved has things to do and is more important than his person. Of course, he is glad to be added to the family, but jealousy can also settle in his heart at the sight of a wife who has dissolved in a child.
• Husband dissatisfied. The last phase of the family drama is the eternally sullen spouse who lacks affection both emotionally and sexually. A constantly exhausted wife can cause him to protest against the changed situation in the family.

Important! Even the most caring man is not always ready for changes of this kind, so there is no need to judge him strictly for this. This is not a betrayal, but the process of getting used to a spouse a new model of family relations.

Causes of discord in the family after childbirth

It is possible to try to create an ideal from your beloved, but is this process worth such an effort. After all, we usually love not for something, but contrary to all logic. Therefore, it is necessary to consider the reasons due to which the couple's relationship deteriorated after childbirth:

1. Lack of attention to husband. As already mentioned, this factor can bring disagreement in a family with a newborn. Motherhood is a wonderful time, but often a woman does not see anyone around except her beloved child. A man begins to understand that he has ceased to be the main person in the life of his beloved, and this does not please him much.
2. Change in the appearance of the spouse. It's no secret that after childbirth, a woman's figure rarely gets better. Stretch marks, a tummy that has appeared can lead the fair sex into a persistent depression. If, at the same time, the chosen one does not have a sense of tact and likes to loudly voice the changes that have taken place in the appearance of his wife, then everything usually ends with regular scandals in a couple.
3. Imbalance in the body. This is not about men who, after giving birth to the second half, do not suffer physically. Hormones are an insidious thing that can play a cruel joke on even the most sane woman. A young mother sometimes becomes emotionally unstable, because the exhaustion of the nervous system begins. At the same time, she breaks down on her spouse, because the circle of her contacts is now narrowed to a minimum.
4. Everyday problems. A couple without children can sometimes sort things out for hours, competing among themselves in the sharpness of the word. When a child appears, the situation becomes more complicated, because the changes that have taken place carry a certain responsibility. The scandal sometimes begins out of the blue, because both spouses were not ready for the material difficulties that appeared. If a man is a miser at the same time, then it becomes difficult to avoid violent showdowns.
5. Restriction in sexual life. A young mother needs a period to recover after childbirth. It usually takes 4 to 6 weeks, which seems like an eternity to some hyperactive men. At the same time, there is a risk that the spouse will not immediately begin to react violently to the caresses of her beloved, because she simply gets tired after caring for the child.
6. Difficult delivery. With this factor, a woman can emotionally and physically close, remembering the pain she suffered. Someone forgets the torment immediately, while someone begins to sink into postpartum depression. What is happening cannot go unnoticed by the spouse, who sometimes does not know how to help his wife. In the future, he begins to move away from her, and family relationships give a thorough crack.
7. Lack of parental feelings. At the same time, it is worth voicing the coldness of the mother when the baby appears, which also sometimes happens. For each of the couple who loves their child, it is very painful to watch the indifference of the second half regarding the adored child. Scandals in this case are quite tough, leading the couple to a logical conclusion in the form of a divorce.
8. . This factor is similar to the consequences of a difficult birth, but nevertheless, these concepts should be distinguished. The depressed state of the mother after the birth of the baby can turn into a serious threat to the family. The process of postpartum depression is very difficult to predict, but its consequences can be extremely dangerous for relationships. A sane man will understand and realize everything, but it is not a fact that he will endure the situation indefinitely.
9. The birth of a sick child or his death. Such a tragedy can break even a strong-willed person. Relations in the family begin to deteriorate if there is no desire to rally in grief and support each other.

Note! In all of these situations, a problem that needs to be eliminated is acutely indicated. Otherwise, you can lose not only the trust of your soul mate, but also her love.

Signs of disharmony in a couple after childbirth

Happy parents are immediately visible, because they care for and cherish their child, continuing to pay attention to each other. However, life does not always present us with exceptionally pleasant surprises, so problems after childbirth can arise in any couple.

To understand the essence of the situation that has arisen, it is necessary to clearly understand for yourself the signs of an impending danger to the relationship:

• . This factor is a very disturbing sign for everyone who is married. At the same time, a wise partner will do everything possible to return the warm attitude of his soulmate. It should always be remembered that people in a relationship try to avoid heart-to-heart talk only when they simply ceased to be interested in a partner.
• Entertainment outside the family. We all have the right to privacy and our own interests. However, when a child is born, a lot changes, because children require increased attention to themselves. If the father of a newborn continues to actively have fun in the evenings with friends, ignoring his family, then this is the beginning of a serious problem for a couple with a baby.
• harsh criticism. A loving man will never, on business or just morally destroy his wife. However, a woman after childbirth sometimes also becomes categorical and sarcastic towards her husband. If there is a voiced factor, then we can state with full confidence the discord in the couple after the birth of the baby.
• Lack of support. In this case, after replenishment in the family, both financial infringement and refusal to help their soulmate begin. Such a wake-up call cannot be ignored, because it may indicate the beginning of the end of a relationship.

Varieties of conflicts in the family after childbirth

It is very difficult to classify a relationship crisis in the same way, because there are different models of families. Psychologists identify the following types of problems after a baby has appeared in the family:

1. . Offspring is not always desirable and expected for a couple that could be created solely on the basis of sexual interest. Having allowed his chosen one not to have an abortion during a trial relationship, a man may later bitterly regret this decision. Such a life story usually ends sadly, if the conversation is not about a very responsible representative of the stronger sex.
2. Conflicts between young parents. This family model is problem-free in very rare cases. It occurs mainly during an unplanned pregnancy of a girl. If in an early marriage a baby is born to the spouses, then often after endless clarification of the relationship, the couple breaks up. Still remaining immature personalities themselves, the newlyweds may simply not be ready for the responsibility that has arisen.
3. Conflicts in mature parents. If a woman has crossed the forty-year milestone in her life, then bearing a child and giving birth to her can be problematic. In addition, a capricious baby is more easily tolerated by a younger couple who are full of energy. Mature people get tired faster, because there is a possibility of chronic diseases appearing over a lifetime. All this is not an axiom, but scandals in a mature couple are considered a common occurrence. In addition, pregnancy can occur with the so-called false menopause, when a couple finds out about conception at a fairly thorough time in a woman. All this introduces people of age into complete shock, then creating conflict situations after the birth of the baby.
4. Problems in a guest marriage. This is the name of a couple in which everything is officially registered, but the family has an unusual relationship format. Living separately, the spouses decide on the birth of a joint child. However, it should be remembered that a baby is a huge responsibility and a titanic work of two people. In addition, a couple can even live in different countries if one of the partners leaves to work. If before that everything suited everyone, then serious problems begin between spouses in a guest marriage.

Ways to restore relationships after childbirth

For every loving and wise woman, there may come a time when a relationship needs to be saved. No wonder they say that a man is the head, and the fair sex is the neck. Therefore, the partner needs to decide on the question of how to improve relations with her husband after childbirth.

How to restore spiritual intimacy with your husband after childbirth

If in a couple after the birth of a child there is coldness on the part of a loved one, then the problem must be urgently eliminated. A woman can use the following tips on how to restore relations with her husband after childbirth:

• Communication. With the advent of the baby, all the attention of the mother is focused on the child. This is both right and fundamentally wrong, because the husband also needs understanding and affection. It is extremely dangerous to deprive him of this, because he will feel superfluous in the resulting trio. Consequently, the spouse may begin to seek solace on the side, which will lead to divorce. It is necessary to be interested in the problems of a loved one so that he understands what is still significant for the mother of his child.
• Joint leisure. You can temporarily distract yourself from fluttering over your beloved child by watching an interesting program or movie with your husband. No one offers to go fishing with him or to a football pub, which is sometimes simply impossible. However, if you have capable grandparents, you can ask them to take care of the child, devoting free time to their chosen one.
• . A beloved man will be pleasantly surprised if, instead of an exhausted vixen, he is suddenly met by a beautiful fairy. It is difficult to do this, because the newborn takes the lion's share of the mother's time. However, it is necessary to try to restore relations that have cracked. Scented candles, a dinner of her husband's favorite dishes will make it clear to the unfortunate woman that the woman still loves and cherishes her chosen one. Even if the young mother is not yet physically ready for an intimate relationship, the spouse will appreciate her efforts to please him.
• Involving a man in child care. Joint walks will definitely make the family even more united and friendly. Let dad take part in bathing and feeding the baby so that a strong spiritual bond is formed between him and the child. In the future, the husband will want to spend all his free time with his son or daughter, which is also useful for his relationship with his wife.

All of these methods will work only if the woman is determined to save her relationship with her loved one. In addition, the husband himself must want to save the marriage, because otherwise all the efforts of the wife will be a waste of time.

How to establish a sexual life with a husband after childbirth

It's no secret that intimate relationships are very important for a strong and stable marriage. However, discord often occurs in this area after a woman gives birth to a child. If the husband is loved and dear, then the following steps should be taken to return his attention:

1. Getting the figure in order. Stories about the ideal body of a woman after childbirth are another myth for the gullible. A young mother needs time to restore her former forms, which is a natural process. The gym is not always within the means of the family, because it requires certain investments. In addition, after the birth of a baby, it is quite problematic to constantly leave the house, even for a short time. However, no one canceled independent training at home. On the same Internet, a huge number of exercises are offered that will allow you to return the figure to its former shape. It is easy to become sexually attractive to a husband again if you put some effort into it.
2. . As already mentioned, after childbirth, a woman needs to recover not only externally, but also physically. This will take some time, because otherwise she may be seriously injured. Childbirth is not just psychological stress for a young mother, but also significant changes in her reproductive system. You should listen to the recommendations of the gynecologist, who himself will say after what period of time it is really possible to resume sexual activity. At the same time, it is necessary to explain to the spouse that everything will be wonderful, but only after a certain period of time. A loving man will understand everything, and an egoist who is ready to jeopardize the health of the second half is not worth fighting for.
3. Familiarization of the husband with information on medicine. Sexual relations after childbirth can be intimidating for some women. However, inexperienced or too impressionable dads can also be alarmed by the resumption of intimate life after telling their beloved about the consequences of resolving the burden. If the birth of a child was when the spouse was nearby, then sometimes for him this becomes a stop signal for further sex with his wife. Again, a confidential conversation with some medical facts that many men do not understand will help.
4. Purchasing reliable contraceptives. The fear of re-pregnancy may seem a little strange, but it can negatively affect both the husband and the wife. The couple is not yet ready for the next child, so the sexual fuse is muffled by the voiced danger. Especially the fear of intimate relationships occurs when the previous pregnancy occurred after the ineffectiveness of the chosen contraceptive. A woman needs to consult a competent specialist in order to resume sexual activity without the risk of a new conception.
5. constant flirting. Some new mothers may lose interest in sex because of the belief that now the child becomes the only center of their attention. There is some truth in this, but too much in this can lead to the collapse of relationships between lovers. A husband should feel affection from his beloved woman, which may not even consist in the sexual intercourse itself. The partner will be pleased with flirting, caresses and playful hints, which will only strengthen sexual relations after the woman's body is fully restored.

How to restore relations with your husband after childbirth - look at the video:

Every woman should carefully consider how to resume intimate relationships after childbirth. Warmth should be felt by the husband so that he does not start looking for care and understanding with another partner. However, it is worth remembering that the wife must fight to save the marriage only if there is love in it. It should also be noted that it is realistic to correct the situation when both spouses are interested in its elimination.

The statistics are outrageous. Half of all divorces occur in the first 3 years of a common child's life. The birth of a child forever links a man and a woman. And it separates many. Especially often the "chasm" between spouses increases in the summer, when mother with children he leaves for a summer cottage or to the sea for a long time, and dad stays in the city to work. So what exactly threatens your family with small children?

Of course, both partners make mistakes. But I work with women, I know about women, and it is women that I want to warn against the five most common mistakes. Forewarned is forearmed. Your family is worth trying not to commit for their sake.

The fallacy of apparent evidence

Women are often indignant: “Can’t I see how tired I am?”, “Is it really not noticeable that the child does not get off his hands, and the dishes are not washed in the sink?”. It often unwittingly seems to us that what is obvious to us is just as obvious to our partner. And since this is obvious to him, why doesn't he do what he needs to do? This is a huge field for claims and insults.

I distinctly remember catching myself in that mistake. Our third child was a month old. He spent all his days on his hands. Finally, he fell asleep soundly for the night. I left the bedroom, straightened up and went to hang out the laundry. I hang it up and get angry: my husband is sitting in the kitchen at this time and calmly drinking tea.

And then I realize that he knows nothing about how I feel now and what I want. He lives in his psychic reality, not mine. And in his reality, there is no problem with having tea in silence when all the children are finally asleep.

I went up to him, told him how tired I was, and asked him to hang up the laundry. But first we had tea together.

First step to fix: Before you get offended, ask yourself: “Does my husband know about these expectations of mine, in this particular situation? Does he know why this is important to me?

According to a study by J. Gottman, 70% of women are unhappy with their relationship with their husband in the first year of their child's life.

The game of sacrifice

I think you know how it goes. You meet your husband from work looking busy and exhausted. To immediately understand how hard it is for you. You do everything for everyone and get angry that they don’t help, don’t appreciate, and don’t even notice. You set yourself a high bar and heroically try to live up to it.

Why are we doing this? To feel important. And to be sorry. To, again, recognize our contribution to the family and the fact that it is not easy for us. When we lack recognition, understanding, help, we often tend to put on a pained expression and walk around the house with silent reproach.

But when one in a pair is a victim, then the second is automatically a tyrant, a tormentor. And every person in their intimate relationships wants to be good.

And, what is especially offensive, although the position of the victim brings certain benefits, it does not give us what we need and want: recognition and care. And it destroys ease in relationships, laughter and humor. How was it in Prostokvashino? “Flowers usually wither in those houses where the atmosphere is very strict.” Love too.

First step to fix: take responsibility for everything you do and don't do. For everything that is and is not in your life. It doesn't sound like much fun, but it's the only way to get out of the victim's position. It is your choice - to give birth to a child and do everything that you do for him, for your husband, for the house.

Adjacency to the "camp of children"

Do you use "we" and "he" when referring to you and your children and your husband? I hear this very often: "Dad doesn't like to walk with us", "My husband is not interested in our life." When a woman perceives her family like this: there is me with the children and there is a husband, then the man feels excluded from the relationship and unnecessary. He comes home - his wife and children have their own life, it's like he's superfluous. And he usually resists for a short time - he goes into his gadgets or is increasingly physically absent: he stays late at work, drinks beer with friends and so on.

A much healthier division into "camps": parents and children. My husband and I and they (he).

Yes, it is easier not to fall into this trap than to get out of it. It is especially addictive if the children are with a small age difference. The way out is to initially deliberately create situations in which adults are on the one hand, and children are on the other.

First step to fix: when your husband comes home from work, make your communication with him a priority. A baby is usually not a hindrance to this. An older child can (horror!) Turn on cartoons for half an hour. And if the children interrupt your conversation, say: “Mom and dad are talking. Do you have something urgent?"

Stuck in the role of duty officer

In this state, we try to be a good, proper wife. Our whole inner life revolves around what we should do and how much we do it. And we involuntarily reduce our relationship to this - to the fulfillment of duties.

In our man we also see, basically, the executor of her husband's duties. Rarely good, more often mediocre or useless, frankly speaking, performer.

A woman knows perfectly well what an executor of her husband's duties should be. For example, a good husband's executor repairs appliances and other breakdowns as soon as you ask him to. Knows what to do with a child of any age. Prefers communication with children to a sofa and a computer. And, of course, he puts his dirty socks straight into the laundry basket. A real man usually falls short of the right performer. Especially in the part that his wife successfully coped with.

It is interesting that a woman in this state is sure that she knows her husband “as flaky”, that everything has already been discussed and is clear about him. At the same time, in fact, he understands very little what is happening now in his inner life. And he does not even understand that he understands little. A bit confusing, but you get the idea, right?

And he no longer sees a real person, going his own way and his lessons, living his inner life, in all human complexity, his beloved. As one of my clients said, “I keep forgetting that not Vasya is the husband, but the husband is Vasya.”

First step to fix: before informing your husband about the accumulated household chores, find out from him how he is - how the mood is, what is in his soul.

Overly child-centric lifestyle

Child-centeredness is a sign of our times. Everything for children, for their happy childhood. Plans for the weekend: a children's entertainment center, a park and a shopping center, buy educational toys for a child and a bicycle. Plans for the evening: story games with a child, watching cartoons. Plans for the night: listen to a webinar about parenting.

It's hard to believe, but such a bias does not benefit not only the relationship of parents, but also the children themselves. Children are important, of course. Their needs are important, their development, their joys are important. But parents are also important. And their needs, interests and, scary to say, pleasures are also important.

First step to fix: plan for the coming weekend entertainment for both children and adults.

The birth of a child is a really serious test for a couple. Fatigue, sleepless nights, no time for each other. You can go through this test on different sides of the barricades, disappointed and offended by injustice. And you can - together, in the same boat. Recognizing both his own and his fatigue. Supporting each other. Always trying to understand and feel: what is happening to my loved one now? What hurts the soul? What is he dreaming about? And talking about myself.

Content

The birth of a child is undoubtedly happiness, it makes the family complete. But at the same time, the appearance of a baby is a serious test for a family with any length of relationship, because a new member has appeared in it. Now the wife is not only a wife, but also a mother, and the husband is now not only a husband, but also a father. In many families, relations between spouses improve after the birth of a baby, but there are also those in which a real crisis occurs, up to a divorce. Why is this happening?

Man's position

A happy and proud man takes his wife from the hospital, realizing that much in their lives will now change dramatically. Of course, he was preparing for this, but still he is not ready. He suddenly discovers that he sorely lacks attention from his wife, and it’s even scary to pick up a child. Often, a mother-in-law or mother-in-law comes to the rescue, which often worsens the situation, the food in the house suddenly disappears, now he will have to go shopping himself, he will have to forget about trips out of town, going to the cinema, theaters, clubs, friends for a while.

Along with the love that lives in a man in relation to his wife - the mother of his child, and the tender feeling that he feels for the baby, the man gets the feeling that he cannot control the environment, make plans, make decisions. In addition, quite often, for all the attempts of the husband to talk about this with his wife, to discuss the situation, he sees her fatigue, busyness and the priority of other problems and concerns. The center of importance of the troubles and tasks facing the family has shifted towards the child, and the understanding between the spouses is weakening every day.

Another important problem that occurs in almost 100% of cases is a change in the genital area. This is due to the fact that, firstly, everything hurts in the woman who gave birth, and secondly, the reproductive reflex in her fades away for a while. This is provided by nature so that the female who has given birth is not distracted from the process of raising offspring. Thirdly, many women during pregnancy and breastfeeding lose their former attractiveness, get fat, there is no time to take care of themselves.

Many men believe that being at home all day is easier for a woman than for him, who works. From here arises a conflict called "Do you think I'm resting here?". Moreover, both from the side of men and from the side of women.

Position of a woman

The new mother has her own problems. Now she has neither vacation nor days off, the little "boss" constantly requires her attention. Lack of sleep, fatigue, irritation, dissatisfaction with one's own figure accumulate, and there is no one else to break loose except for her husband.

It is much easier for a woman to get used to a new position, because her whole body has long taken the position of a new role - mother and has been preparing for this for a long 9 months. Therefore, it is often difficult for a wife to understand how it is - the husband is still not used to it? A young mother sees that the other half continues to lead almost the same lifestyle as before the birth of the child, and feels uncomfortable. Some women even have doubts that the child was a mutual desire, and not just her personal.

Another important factor that worries a young mother is the man’s lack of desire or ability to help in the chores associated with the child. A woman may think that he simply does not want to, although most often a young dad simply does not know how and how he can help.

Ways to solve the problem

The further, the more “tired” the family is, the faster things move to scandals and end in divorce. How to avoid it? At the wedding, from the lips of the older generation, the wish for patience to the young was probably heard more than once. Probably, this is the main assistant in the fight against the crisis. It is important not to stop talking and communicating. The relationship of trust must remain between the spouses, regardless of the statute of limitations of their marriage and the number of children.

Having learned to speak calmly and frankly with each other, the spouses will be able to explain in detail their feelings, thoughts, doubts and misunderstandings. Sometimes, due to reticence, two people who could not understand each other come up with their own motives for certain actions.

The husband is offended that the child has become more important and dear to him, but in fact the wife would like to pay attention to him, spend the evening together, but does not have time to do all the housework. The wife may be angry that the young dad does not even take the child in his arms, but in fact, the man is afraid to do something wrong. In conversations and joint discussion, these questions disappear by themselves.

Even after the birth of a child, it is important to continue to take care of each other and show attention. If the husband once again says an affectionate word, makes a compliment, hugs or gives a bouquet of flowers, then this will certainly smooth out the irritation and fatigue of the woman, help her cope with postpartum depression. In turn, if a woman carefully introduces her husband to caring for and caring for a child, gives him a fraction of her attention, if not every day, but cooks a delicious dinner, if you don’t want sex, just caresses her beloved, then most likely the relationship will gradually improve.

The situation can be saved by bathing the baby together, walking together, sharing household chores. To deal with the conflict “Who is more tired?” put yourself in the place of a spouse, a woman can be entrusted with the care of the baby, except for feeding, to her husband for 1 day. Most often, after such a day, a man understands a young mother well.